Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
