I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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