Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
