Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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