is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
