He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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