I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
