I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
