Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
