I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
