toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm jealous of your bromance
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am available for nakedness
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
