Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
