I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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