those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
