u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
