TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
