you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
