Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
