Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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