People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
