The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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