So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
