Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
