Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
