Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
