i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
