Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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