why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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