Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
