Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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