Already got asked if we're dating
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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