I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
