How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
