When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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