Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
