He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
