I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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