take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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