I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
