life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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