Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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