So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
