Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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