Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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