Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
