This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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