ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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