Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
