I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
