i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
pray to the hookup gods
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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