I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
