The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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