Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's Friday. Sex?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
